Analytical Otaku

Robots are the coolest thing to ever come out of the human imagination. I don’t care if they will one day enslave humanity, they are still pretty flipping sweet. But which robots are the sweetest of all robots? I decided to take a trip down memory lane, revisiting my favorite robots from all walks of media. This is not a comprehensive list. I’m just one person, and I can only consume so much sci-fi media in the average day. However, the following are my personal favorite machine men (and women). These are the awesomest of automatons, picked for their ability to blend great sci-fi with fascinating characterization.

On the outside she looks like your typical otaku fantasy material. An emotionless girl in the same line as Rei Ayanami, who is more puppet than personality. However, that is part of Nagato’s appeal. She is a convincing robot, simply because she does not understand human feelings. Her motivation is that of a machine: fulfill her programming by preventing an oblivious, reality altering teen from destroying the world. And yet, throughout the series, hints are dropped that she desires more than this mundane task. She reads voraciously, although expresses little interest in stories. She plays a mean video game, although is apparently unconcerned about the outcome. Her true self, the things that make her more than a machine, are hidden below the surface. It’s up to the audience to spot them. In a way, it is the audience’s observance that makes her human. She herself doesn’t notice her own feelings. It takes the better part of the series for her to develop a self-awareness of the fact that she is more than a machine, much to her own surprise.

From his droopy eyes to his love of musicals, Wall-e is one of those creatures so cute that it should come with a warning for diabetics. Everything he does is designed for maximum Awwwwww. In fact, when you get right down to it, there isn’t a lot to the character. He is a simple machine with simple wants and desires. But that is part of what makes him effective.

Wall-e is an interesting experiment with the uncanny valley. He doesn’t look or move like a human. As such, the audience views him more as a charming dog than a person. This allows him to have simple emotions and motivations that still resonant with us. He isn’t as complex or intricate as a human, but he doesn’t have to be. His simple, barebones view of the world comes across as a sort of child-like wonder that the audience can sympathize with. He invites compassion because of his simplicity. Our would-be electronic overlords could learn a thing or two from him, and how less is more when it comes to earning the trust of the meatbags.

We all need someone we can laugh at and mock, to feel better about our own pathetic existence. Marvin satisfies our schadenfreude beautifully. He is so miserable and useless, and yet he possesses one of the greatest minds in the galaxy. So when bad stuff happens to him, we get to be assholes and laugh at both the smart people in our lives and the technology we are slaves to.

Marvin explores what it would mean to be vastly intellectually superior to everyone around you. It would absolutely suck. He is so much more intelligent than all the other life forms around him that he is utterly alone and bored. It just goes to show that being smart doesn’t make you happy. Quite the contrary. It makes you absolutely miserable. Marvin is an exploration of what it would really mean to be an ultra-intelligent robot trapped in a society of mind-numbed humans, all wrapped in Adams’ hilarious satire.

Part of the reason Octus is included on this list is because the show he comes from is so damn badass. It’s not so much the essence of the character, but the way he is handled. He has this child-like wonder about even simple things, like the way teenagers talk, but he is also capable of making astute judgments about relationships and the social order. He is developed as a character, becoming increasingly intelligent and sympathetic, without ever losing his robot essence. In fact, his journey isn’t the cliché “become more human.” He accepts the fact that he is a robot, and he is aware of the fact that he is capable of emotions. And he can also morph into a giant city-stomping mecha, so he has that going for him.

It’s nice to know that even after the apocalypse, Japanese hardware will still be functioning. At least, I think BEEMO’s accent is Japanese. In any case, the little video game console that could is an adorable addition to the Adventure Time cast. It is a quirky, androgynous little fella. It is chipper, upbeat, and always ready for everyone’s favorite activity: video games!

Part of BEEMO’s appeal is nostalgia. From its innocent world view to its chunky interface, it harkens back to the gaming days of yore. This helps the adult viewers feel a connection to it and to their childhood. BEEMO isn’t just a machine; it is the living incarnation of those lazy days fighting over who got to be player one on the NES.

Look, I don’t want this to get personal, but if you never watched The Iron Giant then we just can’t be friends any more. Especially since it has one of the greatest robots of all time. The Giant isn’t a very eloquent destroyer of worlds. He says very little, and for the most part he is content to chill with his best friend, an awkward little kid. The two hang out and have good, wholesome fun times. Until the government has to ruin everything.

What is best about the Giant is how well it communicates one of sci-fi’s most powerful themes: technology is amoral. It is only how we use it that determines good or bad. It’s a common message in many sci-fi works, but The Iron Giant manages to get the message across with half the bullshit. It lays it down straight: just because you have the weapon does not mean you pull the trigger. Because you are not agun.

KOSMOS is most likely the product of some Japanese man’s confused sexuality and power fantasy. She is a robot. Shaped like a scantily clad woman. Who can fire a planet destroying canon from her abdomen. She is part sexy anime chic, part merciless death machine (full-time lover).

Okay, all joking aside, KOSMOS is a fairly simple concept taken to ridiculous extremes. She is hyperbolic in her power and blatant in her fetish-fuel. But the world she inhabits, Xenosaga, takes itself so deadly serious that those things don’t matter. The game’s heavy-handed narrative counteracts the silliness of the concept, making KOSMOS something you end up accepting and understanding.

Indulge me in my innermost hipster for a moment while I rant about how I liked Gir before he became a Hot Topic whore. Yes, he is overused, and yes, half the people who wear those shirts have never seen Invader Zim. That doesn’t make Gir any less awesome. He is living proof that computers are only as smart as the people who make them, and so the only thing we have to fear is our own stupidity.

Gir really is like the Earth dog he badly masquerades as. He is stupid, oblivious to the damage he causes, but also with that cheerful demeanor that makes it hard to blame him for anything, even when it is clearly his fault. In a way, he fulfills my childhood dream of a talking dog. Sure, he wasn’t designed to mimic dog behavior, but he’s stupid and he will eat whatever shit you throw at him. That’s enough dog-like charm to win me over.

If I was a robosexual lesbian, GLaDOS would be my lover of choice. Yeah, she is psychotic and manipulative and cruel, but she’s also incredibly funny, and isn’t that what really matters? It’s hard to stay mad at her, even if she does repeatedly try to kill you. She’s just so clever with her insults, it doesn’t matter if they are directed at you and designed to corrode your self-esteem.

But seriously, GLaDOS is an extremely complex, multi-faceted character. She’s like this black hole of passive aggressiveness. You know she is a terrible person (machine), but discovering exactly what makes her that way is such a fascinating experience that it makes up for everything else. It says something that even after a whole game of trying to kill you in the first Portal, players are glad to hear “Still Alive.” You don’t want her dead, because she is such a rich and complex personality, it would be a shame for her to cease to exist. It would, however, be hilarious for her to be put into a potato.

I remember when Futurama first premiered. I was nine years old, way too young to appreciate the intricate social commentary, the superb characterization, the dedication to a well-sculpted sci-fi world. All I knew was that I loved Bender. He is one of my favorite character types: an unrepentant asshole. My mom hated this show, and I was technically not allowed to watch it. But I still persisted, begging and pleading and turning it on anyways. Because to echo the words of Phillip J. Fry himself, I always wanted a robot best friend.

Bender is a raging alcoholic, womanizer, gambler, and convicted felon. He is the exact opposite of everything a robot is supposed to be. That’s what makes him so awesome. Futurama is all about how the future and technology won’t magically solve all our problems. It doesn’t matter if Bender is made of metal, he still falls prey to the weakness of the flesh. It doesn’t matter if he has a super computer for a brain, he still makes terrible decisions due to his own ego. Human nature, or at least the nature of self-interested sentient beings, will always prevail over technology and reason. It is at once kind of disappointing and relieving. Bender shows us that perfection is impossible, even through digital means. But at least we can always bury our problems in alcohol. And really, isn’t that a lesson worth learning?

Did I forget to list any of your favorite robots? Give them an honorable mention in the comments!

And if you liked this post, you might want to check out these articles:

The Ultimate Nerd Test

Winning Terms: How Goals in Video Games Influence Players

In Defense of Vocaloids: What is Artificial?

Pewdiepie and Tobuscus are two awesome people. They make money playing video games, for crying out loud! It doesn’t get much cooler than that. Yet for some reason, many of their fans don’t think the internet is big enough for both of them. They claim one is better than the other. This is the internet, so stupidity isn’t shocking. What is shocking is what we can learn by studying these primitive tribes of fans. Or re-learn, as the case may be. Some chump named Erik Erikson noticed this decades ago.

The short story: human beings enjoy excluding others. It’s built into our systems. Still have a shred of faith in humanity left? Read on, and allow me to destroy it for you.

Humans go through several stages of psychological development. One of the most painful (or most hilarious, if you are an outside observer) stages comes in adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion. Once kids hit the magic of puberty, they realize that the real world can be a scary place. They also realize they are worthless chumps who can’t hope to make it on their own. So what do they do? They form primitive packs (I believe the cool kids call them cliques).

 However, it isn’t enough just to be in a pack. The way our amazing human brain works is that we define ourselves with negative assertions almost as much as positive assertions. So it isn’t “I like rock music,” but “I do not like dubstep. Therefore, I am not like the people who enjoy dubstep.” And so now not only do they hate dubstep, they hate everything associated with the people who like dubstep.

Enter a new generation of youngsters: ones who don’t have social skills and never go outside. They can’t form real-life packs, so what do they do? They form packs based around internet celebrities. So we can’t all join hands and sing a rousing Ole dole doff/ I can swing my sword melody. Nooooooooo. Instead, we have to argue in the comments about who’s better.

So there you have it. A scientific explanation for why people are annoying. And the next time you see a little Pewd/Toby war going on, you can just smile to yourself, knowing that the whiners are still psychologically immature adolescents desperately vying for a place in a world that doesn’t want them. I’m sure glad I’m nothing like them < /hypocrisy>.

Did you like this post? Then please check out some of my other articles.

Ultimate Nerd Test: A very extensive test to see just how nerdy you are.

The Rhetoric of Video Games: A series of articles where I talk in depth about video game design and how it impacts the player.

Abridgers Wanted: A post talking about abridged series and what the heck happened to them.

Are you as excited for the next season of Korra as I am? If you are, you’ve probably spent a fair amount of time wondering what’s going to happen in Book Two. Who knows what the writers are going to come up with? Whatever they do, there are a few things I hope they avoid. Let’s face it, even great writers make mistakes, and if they aren’t careful, they could write the show into an early grave. Here are five mistakes that could make the next season of Korra seriously suck.

Of course, you'd have to be actively trying to make this show fail.

Mistake One: Loads of new characters!

With seasons that are only 13 episode long, there isn’t enough time to develop a ton of characters. Yes, some fresh blood might be nice, but the show already has existing characters that could be fleshed-out. Tahno, anyone? Don’t just forget about these characters. Reintroduce them and build on their existing background. But if they have to introduce next characters, they should avoid…

Tahno never was the same after his swag was taken away.

Mistake Two: Having all expert benders

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see awesome benders like Tarrlok and Lin Beifong throw it down. The amazing bending battles are always a treat, and seeing the creative ways they use their abilities makes my inner nerd sing. However, there’s also something magical about watching a character blossom. In the original Avatar, I loved seeing Katara grow as a bender and watch her develop her own style of bending. If everyone in the series is a seasoned pro (like most of the cast is now) then we lose out on an opportunity to explore the nature of bending through the eyes of a novice.

Mistake Three: Keep the focus on pro-bending

Pro-bending is officially my favorite fictional sport (take that, Quidditch!). I love its complexity and how the writers used it to set the stage for a larger plot. But that’s just it: pro-bending was a placeholder until the real conflict could develop. A sports event does not have high enough stakes to base an entire season around. I don’t want it to disappear completely, but for every episode that’s about pro-bending, that’s one less episode about, I don’t know, saving the world or something.

Mistake Four: M0ar love triangle fun!!!11!

“The Spirit of Competition” is my favorite episode from last season. Watching Bolin cry and run away like a little girl helped justify my own cruel existence. But the writers need to be careful. Bryan and Michael are amazing trolls when it comes to shipping. However, you can only have Korra flip back and forth a couple of times before she starts to look like a callous asshole. Instead, they should develop her relationship with Mako. I know, I don’t like Makorra, either. But I might if the writers give me a reason to. Flesh out the existing relationships instead of playing up shipping for a cheap laugh.

It takes a big man to cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Mistake Five: Introduce a new conflict

The bending/nonbending conflict is fascinating. It was a great way to showcase how the world has changed, showing villains sporting new technology and providing Korra with a serious, multi-faceted issue to face. While reusing Amon probably isn’t a good idea, the writers could build on the anti-bending struggle. It’s a great chance to see an Avatar mediate a conflict, instead of just fight some pseudo-Nazi regime (aka the Fire Nation).

So there you have it. Five ways the writers could screw up. But relax, I’m sure the next season is in good hands. And if it isn’t, I’ll have something to complain about for an entire year!

For more complain-tastic posts, check out these articles:

I Demand Stephanie Brown: A list of reasons why DC needs to bring her back.

No One Likes a Faker: Just a few reasons why wannabe nerds are annoying.

In Defense of Vocaloids: A series of articles about why people shouldn't look down on Vocaloids just because they are electronic.

Friendship is Heroic: To all the neigh-sayers (see what I did there) of My Little Pony.

DC is stupid. That’s not news. From their convoluted crossover events to their asinine editorial decisions, they’ve stuck their foot in their mouth more than once. The most recent offender is the New 52. The New 52 isn’t all bad (only about 90% of it), but it’s been over a year and some much needed corrections still haven’t been made. My biggest pet peeve: the absence of Stephanie Brown. Here are five reasons Stephanie Brown should be brought back.

Reason 1: Anchor for Tim

Tim’s been down a slippery slope these past few years. With the New 52 it’s a bit unclear exactly who he’s lost and when (thanks for clearing that up, DC). However, he is not a happy-camper. The cheerful chipmunk from days of yore (the 90s) is gone, replaced with a constantly scowling grump. Stephanie’s presence could fix this. Even if they weren’t officially a couple, she could be his emotional anchor. It would allow the writers to continue to develop this new, darker side of Tim (in the hope that it one day goes somewhere) while using Steph to occasionally pull him back to the good old days.

Reason 2: DC needs more girls in their line-up

I hate to play the gender card, but it needs to be said: female superheroes need help. Even existing female icons like Wonder Woman and Black Canary are played up for their sexuality. Fine, whatever, I won’t write a ten-page rant on how impractical Starfire’s costume is. I just think that the equation needs to be balanced. The comic world needs more characters like Stephanie Brown, younger women who aren’t played up for their sexuality. DCverse needs Steph precisely because she isn’t defined by her gender. She is a well-rounded character with a lot to offer. And she just so happens to be to be female in a genre that needs more strong female characters.

Reason 3: Foil for Damian

Damian is an obnoxious little fart with all the social graces of a roasted peanut. Stephanie is everything Damian is not. She was a great socializing force for him, putting him in situations outside of his comfort zone. It both humanized him and forced him to grow as a character. Their banter was hilarious, but more than that, they had a great dynamic. Steph was a great “rival” for Damian, providing someone on his level that he could treat as a peer, and vice-versa. Without her, Damian’s become the DC equivalent of a crazy cat person. Okay, his menagerie is freaking adorable, but Steph was giving him skills that could help him be a functioning human being.

Reason 4: An emotional counter-point for the whole Bat-clan

As far as pseudo-families go, the Bats are as morose as a pack of timber wolves. Even characters who used to be shining paragons of go-lucky have slipped deeper into the darkside (Tim, I’m looking at you). I’m not accusing them of being a one-note angst-fest (they are a symphony, thank you very much), but Stephanie provided an excellent contrast. Her wide-eyed optimism provided a much needed balance. It allowed the family to have its dark, somber moments while still being 3-dimensional.

Reason 5: Hope vs cynicism

Gotham is a rotten dumping-grounds where gross things go to die. You won’t find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy in all of comic books. In a city as corrupt and unlikable as Gotham, it’s occasionally hard to see why the heroes bother saving it. Why exactly is Batman dedicating his life to preserving an already rotten corpse? Stephanie Brown is a beacon of light. She is a naturally bright and hopeful (and even shown as a Blue Lantern in the last issue). Her outlook on life allows the audience to see the good in Gotham. It’s a perspective that more cynical, world-weary characters like Bruce and Jason can’t bring to the table. Allowing Stephanie to infuse the city with hope enriches all of the Batfamily books, because it gives the audience a reason to care.

So there you have it. Bringing Stephanie Brown back wouldn’t just appease angry fans; it would make a wealth of other books better. The world needs more Steph. DC, feel free to redeem yourself at any time. Until then, I’ll just be over here. Complaining.

Leave some love in the comments if you want Stephanie Brown back, too!

And check out my article about Young Justice being cancelled. This blog is a cornucopia of nerdiness.

Being a nerd is officially cool. Video games are widespread, superheroes are mainstream, and Jediism is the seventh most popular religion in the UK.  I guess people have finally figured out that nerds rule the world, and they’re eager to get a slice of the action. Except that this new, mainstream nerdiness is an insult to us purist nerds. After all, part of the experience of being ageek is the social ostracism.

Everyone is welcome to be a nerd. I genuinely hope that one day people can feel the same unique combination of joy and shame I feel when buying My Little Pony figures. At the same time, every one has a little bit of hipster in them. We all want to feel unique, and we don’t want to do things just because they’re popular. So when the things I like do become popular, but most of the fans are shallow people looking to fit in, I feel cheated. Do I need to get over it? Probably. Will I? Hey, part of being a nerd is socially unacceptable passion.

So what can we do about these fair-weather fans? Since I don’t have an answer, I’ll have to make do with sarcasm and irony. Until then, you can weed out your fake nerd friends by taking my ULTIMATE NERD TEST!

For each answer you respond yes to, reward yourself with points. Unless stated otherwise, each question is worth one point. This is in no way a complete listing of all possible aspects of nerdiness. It’s just a general overview of the many ways one can be socially awkward.

This test is for fun. Don’t stretch your butthole out of shape if you don’t get a score you like. Even I wouldn’t get a hundred on this test, so take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila.

Nerdiness on the internet

1.     Have you trolled someone online? 2 points

2.     Do you know what a meme is?

3.     Have you ever role-played online with people you have never met?

4.     Do you regularly follow an abridged series (Dragonball Z abridged, YGOTAS, etc.) 2 points

5.      Have you ever been Rickrolled?

6.     Do you scour ebay for rare/ collectible items?

7.     Do you comment on Youtube videos?

8.     Have you ever edited a wiki?

9.     Off the top of your head, can you name four Youtubers you enjoy watching? 2 points

10.       Have you ever had a real-world conversation about something you read or watched online? 2 points

Creative Nerds

11.        Do you read fanfiction?

12.        Have you written fanfiction? 2 points

13.        Do you ever look at/ draw fanart?

14.        Have you created an OC?

15.        Have you ever handmade a replica of an item from a series you like? 3 points

16.        Do you watch AMVs?

17.        Have you ever given a hand-made gift to a friend?

18.        Does your dream job have to do with working on or creating the sort of things you enjoy?

19.        Have you ever remixed music? 2 points

20.        Have you ever reenacted a favorite scene? 2 points

The Otaku

21.        Do you listen to Vocaloids? 2 points

22.        Have you seen more than ten different anime series?

23.        Have you ever imported anything from Japan? 2 points

24.        Do you read manga?

25.        Have you ever sought out or bought a food, just because you saw a character in anime eating it?

26.        Do you wish you lived in Japan?

27.        Do you own doujinshi? 3 points

28.        Do you own any bootleg anime?

29.        Do you own any legal anime DVDs?

30.        Have you ever forgone social events in order to stay home and watch anime?

Old school Nerd

31.        Have you ever played D+D? 2 points

32.        Have you subscribed to a comic book? 2 points

33.        Do you listen to techno?

34.        Do you watch cartoons aimed at adults?

35.        Cartoons aimed at children?

36.        Do you know how to play any sort of Trading Card Game? (Pokemon, Yugioh, etc.) 2 points

37.        Do you regularly read science fiction or fantasy novels?

38.        Is your room decorated with posters/ paraphernalia for an obsession?

39.        Do you own more than a hundred books? 2 points

40.        Do you own a pre-1990 TV series on DVD or VHS (Star Trek, Twilight Zone, etc.)?

Coming out of the nerd closet

41.        Have you attended a convention of any kind? 2 points

42.        Have you ever been to the midnight release of a book?

43.        Have you ever cosplayed, not counting on Halloween? 3 points

44.        Do you sing in the car?

45.        Do people look at you funny when you dance in public?

46.        Have you ever approached a stranger when you noticed that they were reading a book you liked?

47.        Do you own a T-shirt, bag, hat or other article of clothing advertising an enjoyed hobby?

48.        Do you look for opportunities to talk about a hobby you like, bringing it up even when it isn’t relevant to the conversation?

49.        Have you ever overheard someone trash-talking a hobby or interest you like, and angrily called them out? 2 points

50.        Have you ever integrated your hobby into an assignment or project for school? 2 points

Video Game Nerd

51.        Do you listen to video game soundtracks?

52.        Have you ever helped program something? 3 points

53.        Do you own more than one game system?

54.        Do you own an old school (more than 15 years) game system? 2 points

55.        Do you have a subscription to an MMORPG?

56.        Have you ever spent more time working on a game’s sidequests than on the actual plot itself?

57.        Have you ever completed a game 100%?

58.        Have you ever bought a game the day it was released?

59.        Have you ever participated in a video game tournament? 2 points

60.        Do you play a variety of games, from more than three genres (ie: puzzle, shooter, RPG, action, etc.)? 2 points

Social (awkward) Nerd

61.        Have you ever argued over which fictional pairing is the best? 2 points

62.        Have you ever argued about which fictional character from a series is the most attractive?

63.        Have you ever celebrated a fictional event (a character’s birthday or major date in a series, etc)? 2 points

64.        Were you frequently picked last for sports?

65.        Do you laugh at your own jokes?

66.        Were you on the honor roll at school?

67.        Do you cringe when you meet someone who likes a lot of mainstream stuff?

68.        Have you made most of your current friends through a shared nerdy interest? 2 points

69.        Do you do things that are considered uncool or weird because you like them so much?

70.        Are you out of shape?

How did you do? Below is the rating scale. Make sure to leave a comment saying what score you got. I will most certainly use the data to make some sort of spreadsheet or other nerdy analysis.

0-10 pts

You aren’t even a little bit nerdy. You probably took this test as a joke. Surely there’s no way you thought you were an actual geek, right? No, you probably wear glasses indoors and go to the gym on weekends. Weirdo.

11-25 points

Congratulations, you’re normal! Yes, you might have a few quirks, but for the most part you can enter and leave a party without getting a wedgie once. You will have 2.1 one kids, work a boring job, and generally fly under the radar.

26-40 points

You are a borderline nerd. This means that you are probably under the impression that you are the world’s biggest geek, but you aren’t! This is a golden area, where you can still enjoy things with a high level of passion while functioning in a social setting. It’s the best of both worlds. Like that one Hannah Montana song. Because that’s what you are. Someone living a lie.

41-60 points

You are a nerd. But this probably isn’t news to you, is it? Chances are that you were mocked during high school. However, once you get out in the real world, you’ll find that your passion profits you well. You’ll have a lot of drive to pursue your dreams. I just hope most of those dreams don’t involve socializing with anyone other than other nerds.

61-80 points

You are a giant dork. You have probably brought shame upon your parents at least once with your nerdy obsessions. However, you bring great pride to your fellow nerds. You aren’t afraid to stand up and say, “You know what? My interests are socially stigmatized, and I’m okay with that.”

81-90 points

Extreme nerd alert! Just being around you makes some people uncomfortable. You’ve always stood out from the crowd, and not in a teen-comedy sort of way, but in a don’t-make-eye-contact way. As long as you are comfortable with who you are, though, other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. After all, you’ll always have your online guild.

91-100

All hail the uber-nerd! You make even other nerds uncomfortable with your obsession. You’re the guy with the giant Princess Leia poster above his head and a wastebasket full of questionable tissues. You might want to consider pulling back a little, lest you isolate yourself forever. Then again, normal people just aren’t as interesting as the strange fantasy world you live in.

Not satisfied with your nerd score? Read some articles on this blog to help brush up on your nerdiness! Here are some articles that will help you get your geek on:

In Defense of Vocaloids: A series of articles about why Vocaloids rock (sometimes literally).
Friendship is Heroic: An analysis of why My Little Pony is as heroic as any given superhero movie.
How to get your friends addicted to anime: A practical guide for sharing your obsession. 
Seeing is Believing: How Camera Placement Can Make or Break Video Games Part of a series of articles on the rhetoric of video games (ie: what makes video games cool).